In social media there is no map.

As much as we might want to think that there is some secret tactic for getting followers on Twitter and Facebook. There just isn’t. Not in the classic sense of the word “tactic”.

There is no step-by-step method that anyone can use to become popular through social media.

But that’s not to say there aren’t some definite steps.

You hear them all the time and they’ve apparently pissed off a few people, but steps like:

Be cool to other people.

Join in the conversation.

Connect with other users.

Are exactly the steps that get you where you want to go (as in getting some serious traffic to your sites through social media).

I know it’s annoying to be told that you have to “be cool” to get followers because what the fuck does “cool” even mean? Not only is there no way to quantify “cool” and break it down into actionable steps, but the definition of being “cool” changes between niches and social groups.

Now for the cold water . . .

If you don’t “get” social media, you probably don’t “get” being social period. If joining conversations and being cool to people and contributing and helping others is baffling you on Twitter, it’s probably still mysterious in real life too.

The days of the lone anti-social web geek sitting in a darkened basement and silently making money without ever talking to anyone are gone (I’m not convinced they ever were at all).

The internet has transformed into a tool for social interaction and actually (spoiler alert!) making friends. You don’t get the luxury of talking at people anymore. You actually have to interact with them.

This is why the larger, hundred year old corporations are struggling online.

This is why most beginning affiliate marketers struggle online.

On the internet you don’t just have an audience. You have friends.

Friends Count, Followers Don’t

There is only one social media strategy that actually gets you the traffic and the customers that you want:

Make some fucking FRIENDS!

Can you gain a ton of followers without contributing or making friends?

Sure. I’ve done it.

Does it do you any good?

Shit no.

At one time, I had over 5,000 followers on Twitter, which is huge considering I did a big bunch of nothing on it. All I did to get those followers was auto-follow anyone who followed me. The reciprocity kicked in, the freebie seekers found me, knowing that I was a guaranteed follower for them and things snowballed from there.

Know how much good it did me?

None.

All of the 5,000+ people I had to follow to get those numbers cluttered up my Twitter feed making it impossible to follow the people I actually LIKED, and none of these people followed me because they actually liked what I had to say or what I was doing.

Those 5,000+ followers translated into only 1 click per link I ever tweeted. 1 out of 5-fucking-thousand.

It was at that point I realized that a bunch of followers don’t matter if they don’t give a shit about you. I needed to make friends.

So I purged my Twitter account and started over from scratch. To this day I am still feeling the effects of that purge. I’m losing followers every single day because I don’t autofollow them back anymore, but I don’t care. I’m also gaining friends who WANT to hear what I have to say and jump at the chance to click on any links I recommend.

My numbers are lower, but I’m still winning.

So how do you make friends online?

The same way you made friends on that first day of school.

You stick your neck out. You risk a little rejection and you find people who are fun, funny, cool and like the same things you like.

Nothing has changed when it comes to the social skill of making friends.

Only the medium changed. Now you have to do it through your computer which is actually WAY easier than the old days.

Now I can search for other users on Twitter or Facebook based on what we’re both interested in. I can choose to connect only with left-handed kyakers (though why I would want to is beyond me) just by searching for them.

If you’re no good at making friends on Twitter, it’s not Twitter’s fault. It’s yours.

Learn to make friends in real life first. Learn to contribute and share your creativeness in real life first. Learn how to be yourself in real life first. Then Twitter will start paying off for you.

Can anyone teach you how to gain real, traffic-getting followers on Twitter?

No.

Can anyone teach you how to make lasting, life-long friends in real life?

No.

Because there is no map.

It’s up to you to make the map. You have to do it first and figure out what works as you go, because any artificial strategies for being a friend will only win you more artificial (read: useless) followers.

The map you have to find leads to genuineness. It leads to being yourself. And I can’t help you there.

My map won’t work for you. My map leads to being me.

It’s time to make the map that leads to being you.