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What Sniper Training and Bad Chinese Food Taught Me About Keeping My Customers Happy

May 27, 2011 By Leave a Comment

He aims . . . to please . . .

According to every movie and TV drama I’ve ever seen (and therefore a concrete fact) military snipers live via a morbid but awesome motto: “One shot – one kill.”

What does shooting people from great distances have to do with keeping my customers happy?

I’ll get there, but first let me tell you an almost unrelated story about really bad Chinese food and the crappy waiter who taught me a lesson.

So last Sunday, Amanda and I decided to to spend the day doing what any red-blooded Americans would: sleeping late, eating poorly and shopping. So at around 5:30pm we walk into a nearly deserted P.F. Chang’s for some Chinese food before heading out the mall.

Now I should point out that the mall closes at 7pm on Sundays, so I figured a half hour lunch would leave us plenty of time to shop and at first things seemed like a normal late lunch. We meet out waiter, we get our drinks, we order an appetizer. So far so good.

But that’s where the train left the tracks.

Our lettuce wrap appetizer comes out with only two lettuce leafs, both of which lasted about as long as two gimp zebra on the Serengeti. Then we were left sitting there, twiddling our thumbs and staring around the room. We sat there for over an hour and in that time we saw our waiter three times, had our drinks refilled once (not by our waiter) and were fed fried rice that was dripping oil.

That’s over one hour to get an appetizer we couldn’t eat and split one disgusting entree between two people.

Now this post isn’t here to complain about P.F. Chang’s shitty service – the real point is a valuable one and it’s this:

I was so mad and baffled by the crappy service that I was beyond the point where I wanted to complain. I was so irritated at the totally blown afternoon (we never made it to the mall) that having a manger say “I’m sorry, here’s a coupon” would’ve just pissed me off even more.

There wasn’t anything they could do to make it up to me except give me my hour back and pump my stomach.

So I used the only real power any customer has: I left no tip and I won’t be going back to P.F. Chang’s again.

So take away from my oily fried rice the same lesson you can take away from sniper school:

You have one shot.

We talk a lot about customer service and turning angry customers into happy customers, but  we rarely talk about the times when we don’t even the opportunity to talk to dissatisfied customers.

How many times do you think customers give us a second chance to wow them versus turning their backs and vowing never to buy from us again?

If my crappy lunch experience is any indication, probably a lot.

I could have given the manager at P.F. Chang’s an earful and ranted until they gave me a gift card for a free meal, but I don’t want anything else from them, free or not. So instead of an earful, I said nothing and they lost a customer, probably for life, with no chance to win me back.

You have to get it right the first time because you may not ever get a second chance.

It’s why I’m putting more energy into asking for customer feedback by giving away my products for free to make them better.

It’s why I don’t put a lot of time and effort into “handling” angry customers – because when your effort goes into not having angry customers in the first place, you can spend a lot less time and money on the back end.

It’s why customer experience should be a higher priority than customer service.

So what are you doing for your customers to make sure their experience with you doesn’t need a customer service rep?

Filed Under: Business, Mindset Tagged With: , , , , ,

How To Automate Twitter Without Being A Social Media Douchebag

April 12, 2011 By 2 Comments

There’s a vitriolic war raging about Twitter and what it means to have “true connection” through social media.

On one side are guys like Scott Stratten from @unmarketing who makes his no-automation-is-good-automation views pretty clear.

On the other side are scores of software applications promising rapid growth of followers and influence with hands-off automation.

Today, I want to tackle this head-on for two reasons:

  1. I’ve got some vitriolic views of my own.
  2. I think there is a level of Twitter automation that can maximize ROI and keep you from being a social media douchebag.

But first, another dose of social media cold water on the groin.

Let’s talk about this bullshit idea of “true connection” on Twitter.

And I say it’s bullshit for pretty obvious reasons – when you and I “connect” on Twitter, we’re not really connecting.

  • You’re not at my house.
  • We’re not laughing over a beer.
  • We’re giving each other surface-level networking.

It’s a step below small talk.

And it’s great. It’s fabulous even! Don’t get me wrong, I love that we can do even that and I’ve written plenty about the power of Twitter and what a big fan I am of it for small and solo businesses.

But let’s be clear here, true connection this ain’t.

And when it comes to arguments against automation, the one I hear the most often is the “Cocktail Party” argument

If you wouldn’t do it face-to-face at a cocktail party, don’t do it on Twitter.

And I like that, it’s common sense.

You wouldn’t introduce yourself and pitch your shit all in the same breath, would you? (God, I hope you answered no.) So of course you wouldn’t do it on Twitter either.

I do, however, have one small problem here:

Twitter isn’t a cocktail party

There are some similar aspects inherent in the system, sure, but we can see pretty clearly that there are two very distinct sides to Twitter:

Side A is the side of connection – it’s the party-ish side where we all get to know each other.

Side B, on the other hand, is the broadcasting side – the microblogging side where your followers sign up to read what you have to say.

Now I admit…

Automating personal connection is totally lame – more to the point, it’s rude and insulting.

I don’t encourage anyone to use automation tools like auto-following or auto-direct messaging.

But…

Automating the broadcasting side of your Twitter feed is a different story.

Apps like Hootsuite and Tweetdeck that allow you to pre-schedule your tweets have been ripped to shreds by many of the “no automation” opponents, but let me ask you this:

What could be wrong with automating when you send out hand-picked links and blog posts?

If you were handing out flyers for a garage sale in your neighborhood, would you stand outside at 4am?

That would be dumb.

People out at 4am are few and far between and most of them probably aren’t interested in a garage sale.

If your audience isn’t there, why are you?

That’s where I think apps like Timely could become wickedly effective.

Timely analyzes your Twitter activity and schedules your tweets to be sent out when they will be most effective.

Whether this really works or not is up for debate and I’m testing it for myself as we speak, but I see nothing wrong with smart scheduling, in fact it’s just good practice for you and your audience.

I do want to point out though that automating the time that tweets are sent is good business, but automating what you tweet is not. Choosing links and blog posts you’ve never read to share at random shows a lack of respect for your followers.

So we start to see that to automate Twitter without being a total douche, you have to automate the areas in which automation is best for your audience.

Use apps like Hootsuite, Tweetdeck and Timely and WordPress plugins like Tweet Old Post to get your message out there when your followers are actually listening.

And when the time comes for you to be on Twitter – actually be on Twitter. Show up and be there to interact, talk and (yeah, yeah,yeah) connect.

Is it true automation?

No.

Is it 100% human connection?

No.

But I think it’s the middle ground where Twitter ROI becomes a real, tangified metric.

I’m continuing to test this approach now just to double check that my money’s where my mouth is, but I encourage you to do the same.

Don’t just blindly tweet.

Don’t just take advice from social media “experts” and assume it applies to you.

Test everything for yourself and find what connects (there’s that damn word again!) with your audience. Then you can say you know what’s really effective and why.

Oh, and while you’re at it, you should probably follow me on Twitter.

You know, as a test ;-)

Filed Under: Social Media Tagged With: , , , , , ,
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